Why the line between the living and the dead is at its thinnest on Christmas Day

Although the news carries images of Christmas Day babies named Noel or Holly, several studies have shown there is actually a greater chance of dying than being born next week. It even has a name – “the Christmas Holiday Effect” – but we don’t talk about that much for obvious reasons. This is supposed to be the most joyous time of the year even though, for many people, it’s not.

Death and December have always been linked. From the chilling ghost stories of MR James to the Irish tradition of visiting cemeteries on Christmas Day, the line between the living and the dead is at its gossamer thinnest now.

For families up and down the land, this will be the first Christmas without a loved one. A mother, father, sister, brother, wife or husband is missing from their traditional place around the table. That is hard. Christmas is all about traditions and memories and a loss at any time of year is keenest felt now.

Consequences of drink driving

This week I’ve been thinking about six-year-old Sharlotte Naglis. She died in the summer of 2021 when a drink driver who’d also taken drugs mounted the pavement in his car and knocked her down. More than three years on, her mother Claire revealed she doesn’t celebrate Christmas anymore because she just cannot face it without Sharlotte.

Claire was speaking at the launch of the national campaign highlighting the dangers of drink driving. Her words were a warning of the life-ruining consequences that come from getting behind the wheel when you’ve had a drink. They were also a sobering reminder of the emotions families struggle with at this time of year.

Grief isn’t linear. It can pop up at the most unexpected times – when you realise you don’t have to buy a present for someone or when the person who always carves the turkey suddenly is not there to do that.

We are dwellers all in time and space and there is a single certainty in life – that one day our time will also come. But before that we have another Christmas. In the words of the seasonal song Joy by Tracey Thorn, “it’s because of the dark, we see the beauty in the spark”.

No ‘perfect Christmas’

In a world that seems more difficult and worrying by the day, the arrival of another Christmas Day and the hope it brings is a little miracle. For those struggling with illness or bereavement, the day should be whatever they want it to be.

There is no such thing as a perfect Christmas. The adverts sell us one version but if yours is staying in bed all day eating Quality Street and watching episodes of Gavin and Stacey, whatever makes you happy is the right thing to do.

For those of us lucky enough to have loved ones around us and good things to eat, it’s a time to be grateful and to count our blessings – for one day, to try to be the people we always hoped we would be. Whatever you are doing and whoever you are with on Wednesday, have a Happy Christmas.