A pen for parliamentary journalists? The Holyrood farce has turned tragi-comic
The Holyrood press pen is a scandal and a farce - much like the this parliamentary term is turning out to be
It might have been Midsummer Night’s Dream but honestly, that’s a punt and nothing more.
One of Shakespeare’s, anyway. Standard Grade English and Mrs Randall had tasked us with performing a scene from a play.
My group decided the girls would play the male characters and the boys would play the women.
“Why?” Mrs Randall asked us, a reasonable question. “Er … just because,” we managed before she eviscerated our wee wheeze for what it was - ill thought-through, performative vanity.
Novelty for novelty’s sake.
And so to Holyrood.
“They’ve brought back the pen.” Thursday morning and the parliamentary journalists’ WhatsApp group is popping.
I had yet to come across “the pen” and was picturing something akin to a cot or perhaps a cattle crush.
The Scottish Parliamentary Journalists Association (SPJA) had been informed that, due to the behaviour of some of our number, we were no longer free range.
Instead of being allowed to approach MSPs following First Ministers Questions and other chamber events, we must gather in a pen set a good two metres back from where the legislators walk by.
I went downstairs to see for myself. Cue, then, this tableau: me, staring at a cloth barrier.
Before long I am joined by a colleague and we stare silently together. A couple of staffers stop, then an MSP or two.
“What’s that for?” someone asks. It’s a pen for the journalists, I explain. “Why?” No idea.
“Who asked for it?” Don’t know.
At time of writing, these questions remain unanswered. No one has taken responsibility for the pen.
We have though been told we should praise our good fortune we have more freedom on the parliamentary estate than our peers at Westminster, which is a nonsense position.
Holyrood is Holyrood. Comparisons with other parliaments are arbitrary, not least because the entire Scottish conceit was to be different. Dare we say it, better.
It is all a glorious farce. Yet it is also an attempt at preventing the scrutiny of politicians.
But don’t worry, Scottish Greens co-leader Ross Greer has a solution. “Have a word with some of your colleagues about their behaviour.”
Mr Greer is a member of the journalists’ union, the NUJ, which has condemned the use of the barrier. Solidarity, brother.
READ MORE:A barely audible 'guilty' marks the pinnacle of the Peter Murrell drama that has dogged the SNP
It does, though, offer some insight. All parties bar the Scottish Greens have #CondemnedThePen
On Thursday, privately, Green MSPs said they felt the approaches made to their colleague Q Manivannan - one of Holyrood’s first two trans MSPs - had been aggressive.
You can argue the toss about whether that’s the case or not, but this parliament is unusual in its high number of new politicians. Many are still finding their feet.
Instead of curbing press scrutiny, parties must make more effort to help newbies acclimatise to what is a comparatively mild rough and tumble.
Other whispers are that it was Kenneth Gibson, the new presiding officer, what done it.
Here I return to Mrs Randall.
Mr Gibson promised to shake up the chamber. He was to be the great disruptor. But to what end?
He promised his changes would stop planted questions at FMQs but the planted questions have continued. He has changed the day and time of FMQs but for what purpose?
Now the press are penned for no serious reason - only serious outcome.
What a small little parliament it looks. It would be a tragicomedy, if only it had any depth.
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